


Older and Wiser

by Maarkriifaas



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Triggers, mild alcoholism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-24 04:32:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6141580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maarkriifaas/pseuds/Maarkriifaas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You didn’t change."</p><p>"Was I supposed to?"</p><p>“No"</p><p>__    __    __</p><p>Growing up, people drift away and back to us. All it takes is time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling salty about all the "past Levi/Erwin" tags. Sorry?  
> (I'll update the tags and whatever else as we go along haha)
> 
> ((ALSO I POSTED THIS BY MISTAKE BEFORE IT WAS DONE WHOOPS XD))

His life began with a mistake. Everything he did was a mistake, but being born was by far the largest one of the bunch. Kenny had told him that his mother had made his father do a paternity test, that when they'd found out he was the father, he'd had at best two choices. Pay child support, or take Levi under his own roof. Levi's father had chosen neither; he was long gone by time the court order was mailed to his house. Kenny had also told him his mother had arrived on his doorstep less than a week before she died, begging him to take Levi in. Kenny had told him that, being the gracious gentleman he was, he accepted, even though this would also have meant that he'd left his sister out to die.

"Doesn't matter," Kenny had said when he'd brought it up. "She would have died anyways." Kenny had always been cold, and he got colder the older Levi got. Kenny used to hit him. Not much at first, warning taps and pokes in his kidneys, but as he got older, slaps solidified into punches and pokes into harsh jabs.

His aunt Melanie had thought he was disgusting, and probably still did. She'd always looked at him as though all the soap and water in the world couldn't clean the invisible scum off his skin. His aunt Melanie had been the reason he scrubbed at his arms until they were sore when he was younger, until years later when he grew old enough to learn his aunt Melanie had been raised in a Catholic household. No matter how hard he scrubbed, he would never be able to wash away the fact he was a bastard, born to a whore who'd died of syphilis. 

One day a man in a fancy suit showed up, with a tie and black shoes and everything. He'd yelled at Kenny for a bit when he'd seen Levi, even though Levi didn't know what the big deal was. Kenny had talked back in a calm voice, and gradually the shouting lessened until the man in the suit stood up and walked to the door.

"I swear to god," he'd warned, "if that boy isn't starting grade one in September, you lose custody of him, got it? He's already a year late as it is. No more of this _"homeschooling"_ ," he said, making quotation marks in the air with his hands

"I understand," Kenny nodded solemnly. Aunt Melanie was crying. Levi still didn't understand why, but he didn't talk. Kenny got mad when he talked to other people.

The man's gaze narrowed as he opened his mouth again. "And I don't care what caused those bruises on his face, if I see any more of them next time I'm here, you'll be losing a lot more than just the kid." Levi's hand instinctively flew up to cover the purple swelling on his cheek, thinking he'd meant it looked ugly.

"Got it," Kenny drawled, pulling a cigarette from a package in his vest. "Anything else you'd like to add? I've got the whole day."

"You are a snake of a man, Mr. Ackerman," he spat, then flung the door open and marched out.

"Thank god for that," he said, locking the door behind him. "I was thinking he'd never leave. You, brat, upstairs. Go sit in your room or something," he added sharply, lighting the cigarette and inhaling.

"How much time until September?" he asked, eyes wide.

"I said upstairs. Now." he growled through his lips. Levi raced up the stairs, terrified but excited. He was going somewhere important in, well, he didn't know how long, but he hoped it was soon.

°     °     °

September, as it turned out, was a long way away. Kenny had said it was two weeks, but Levi felt like more days than he could count had gone by. One day though, Kenny woke him up as usual, but when he tried to go downstairs to make breakfast, he was blocked.

"Here," he'd said, shoving a pair of sweatpants and a white, collared shirt at him. "This is your uniform. You have to wear it every day from now on."

Levi nodded, unsure what to do with this information. He wanted to ask if he could still wear his favourite green shirt sometimes too.

"Every day. Do you understand me?" Kenny asked harshly, pinching his ear. He nodded as best he could while trying to avoid pulling on it too much.

When he finally stepped out of the way, he raced by him and down the stairs, hurtling into the kitchen at an astounding speed. His aunt peered over the paper disdainfully, before going back to staring at the beauty advertisements. He threw some bread in the toaster and danced quietly back and forth on the spot, waiting for it to pop. When it did, he barely bothered to put some jam on it before he was running at the door. Kenny followed silently, opening it and handing him a bag.

"This is your schoolbag. You can never forget it at home. Today there is a lunch that your aunt made for you before you were awake. Tomorrow you make your own, or not. Either way it doesn't bother me." Levi was barely listening he was so eager to go, running up ahead while Kenny walked agonizingly slowly behind him. 

"You are going to have to walk to school every day like this. Pay attention," he snapped.

When they got to the school, he raised a hand and pointed at the door. "Go inside. Now." Levi stared at him blankly for a second, he had never been told to go somewhere without someone with him before. But other kids were going in, and it seemed safe, so with a final glance over his shoulder to check he was doing the right thing, he walked forward and through the doors. He turned around to see whether Kenny was still there, but he had already disappeared.

"Welcome!" he heard, and he looked up to see a bright, smiling lady with a daisy flower pattern on her shirt. "Can I help you get to your classes on the first day of school?" Levi stared at her blankly, then nodded. The woman smiled even wider, then offered him her hand. "Come on!" she said enthusiastically, dragging him by the wrist. It hurt when she pulled, but Levi said nothing.

They walked down the hallway and past several rooms until finally they came to a room at the end with blue walls and jungle wallpaper that covered half of it. Inside there were more kids, most of them a lot smaller than him.

"This is one of the two kindergarden classes," she said brightly. "We'll ask Ms. Wehlan if you're in here, ok? If not then you're going to be on the second floor."

As she said that, a young, radiant teacher walked out from behind a large plastic play structure. She seemed kind, and she smiled at him. "Hello. What's your name?"

Levi opened his mouth, then paused. Kenny hadn't said if he was allowed to tell people his name or not. The lady looked nice though, so he said it anyways. "Levi Ackerman."

The woman scanned her list, then shook her head. "I'm afraid you're not on my list, but that's okay. You're going to be with Mrs. Mazzini then, ok? She's upstairs."

Levi nodded his head again, and the lady holding his hand far too tightly nodded too. "I already told him." As they were standing there, another couple of people walked in behind her, and he felt her attention turn from him to them.

"Hello!" Ms. Wehlan said again, smiling wide like she had before. She crouched to the level of the student that had just come in. "Welcome! What would your name be?"

The boy staring back at here didn't so much as blink, and Levi noticed his large, glassy, green eyes. His face was also split into a grin, and his mother stood by his side, a warm expression on her face.

"Eren Yeager," she said, and Eren nodded avidly. "And this is his sister, Mikasa. Mikasa?" she asked, searching behind her.

“ _Here_ ," a muffled voice said quietly, and Levi turned his head to look at her. Long, black, silky hair covered most of her face, and what wasn't covered by that was covered by her shirt that she had pulled up.

"Mikasa don't be silly," the mother reprimanded, but just as Levi became interested in seeing how things would unfurl, the lady pulled him away and started walking in the other direction. He looked back though, and saw the green-eyed boy staring at him. Time froze for a moment, then gave a gap-toothed smile and waved at him. Levi wasn't sure how he was supposed to react.

Just as he raised his hand to wave back, he was pulled around a corner, and the boy disappeared from sight.

°     °     °

"I just don't get it," the lady said, pulling him down yet another hallway by the arm. "You're not on either of the classroom lists, do you even know who your teachers are?" she asked. Levi shook his head, and the lady gave an exasperated sigh and yanked him into the office, plopping him down on a chair. "Now just don't move for a moment, ok?" she said sternly, then walked over to a filing cabinet and began sorting through names. Levi looked around him, there were papers and files piled all over the place, and the whole area was in a complete state of disarray. 

"Abdulzer, Aberman, Abboud," she mouthed, "right, here's Ackerman." She glanced over the file briefly and pulled one or two papers from it, biting her lip. Then she closed it and put it back. "Come on," she said, "let's get you to class."

 He followed her back in the direction of the first room they had gone into, but just before the end of the hall, she turned sharply into a small class. As opposed to the baby blue of before, the walls were pale yellow, bright but also sickly at the same time. His teacher was old, and she looked a bit like a vulture, with the stern expression she wore and the hunched back.

"Levi, this is Mrs. Burke," she said, pushing him forward encouragingly. Mrs. Burke stared peered over her glasses at him, her face unreadable. Levi didn't say anything, and neither did she.

Finally, raising an eyebrow, she broke the silence. "Hello, Levi." She offered a withered hand, and Levi shook it tightly, earning a smile. "A firm handshake. That is the mark of an honest man. Did you know that?"

"No, ma'am," he said.

"Well, consider it the first thing I teach you, amongst many others," she said, standing straight again. "Thank you, Ms. Hart. I'm sure Levi will be fine now."

"Yes, I'm sure too. He's a quiet one Lindsay," he heard the lady say as he wandered in the direction of the other children.

"We could definitely use more of those," she said, and Levi turned around to see her staring at him. It took him a moment to register she wasn't actually staring at him, but over his shoulder instead, and he turned his head to see a girl standing there, an earsplitting grin plastered across her face.

"Hi," she said, leaning forwards. Levi almost fell back, avoiding her looming face by mere millimetres. She smiled even wider, then cocked her head innocently. "You're cute."

"What?" Levi asked, confused.

"I said you're cute," the girl repeated.

"Thank you?"

"You're also funny," she added, pulling at his hair. "You look reeeaally fancy."

"Thank you," he repeated, deciding it was a safe enough answer.

"Why?" she asked, and cocked her head to the other side.

Levi was completely lost. His mind was scrambling for an answer, since it's not exactly like he could have said 'Thank you' to that. He tried the next best answer instead.

" _What?_ "

"Never mind," the girl said, puffing her cheeks out and pouting. Her grin flew back a split second later though. "I'm Hanji. Wanna colour with me? You already got some colour," she added.

"Where?" he asked. 

"Riiiight... here!" she said, and drew one finger in a semicircle under his left eye. "Kinda purply. It's pretty."

"Pretty?" he asked. 

"Yeah. But let's colour now, ok?"

"Ok," he said back, and she extended her tiny fist to him. Clenched inside were a bunch of crayons of different colours. He picked the purple one out of the middle, looking at it carefully. "Pretty," he mouthed again, the word lingering on his tongue as he stumbled behind her.

Levi tried to focus in class, he really did, but he just couldn't keep up with what they were doing on the board. The old lady he'd been introduced to that morning kept leaving markings on it, but he had no clue what any of them meant, nor what he was supposed to be doing. Colouring, sure, he could do that, he could even draw a little, but she'd given them a piece of paper and told him to make his name. He didn't know what his name looked like, much less how to draw it. Hanji didn't seem to be having any trouble though, and it looked like her name was just a mess of sticks and a couple of dots.

"How do you do that?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's what ma and da told me my name looks like."

"Does my name look like that?" His eyes were wide. "I don't think a Levi looks like that."

"I dunno." She shrugged again. "Ask Mrs. Burke."

Levi froze and stared at her blankly. No he couldn't do that, because if he didn't know how to do something he'd get in trouble and then it'd be bad. And if Mrs. Burke got mad at him, well, who knows what might happen? She'd probably be angry for a long time though.

"I think I remembered it," he lied, and tried to copy Hanji's drawing without her noticing. 

"That's quite interesting," he heard from behind him. "I don't remember having two Hanji's in the class. Do you, Levi?"

He whipped his head around and she was standing there, observing what he'd done over his shoulder. His heart sank further and further into a pit in the bottom of his stomach, he could feel beads of sweat forming on his forehead as she glared at him. She knew what a Hanji name looked like. Did she know what a Levi name looked like?

"Do you know how to read, Levi?"

"Yes," he lied easily. That was what Kenny did every morning with the papers he brought in. He didn't understand how it worked, but...

Mrs. Burke sighed, then said "How do you spell 'dog'?"

"Spell?" he asked, confused.

She shook her head, then sighed again in response. "Look, here's how you spell your name," she said, taking a new sheet of paper from the stack. " _L-E-V-I_. See? Not that hard." She chuckled to herself for a moment. "I would feel a lot worse for Elizabeth if I were you," she joked, then wandered off, leaving him with the paper to copy off of.

"Shouldn'ta lied." Hanji commented, not even looking up.

"I didn't lie!" he squawked, ears turning pink.

"Liar," she grinned. He pouted at her, and she went back to finishing her name, outlining the sticks in different colours. "It's ok, I don't know how to read neither."

"You don't?"

"Nah," she said. "Mam said I had to learn this year though. Maybe we can learn both at the same time then."

"Maybe," Levi said.

°     °     °

They had been herded outside now, though Levi couldn't see the point. He sat in a corner, watching the other children run in circles around the courtyard. They didn't seem to mind tripping and falling all over the asphalt, knees and elbows constantly skinned as proof. Some of the older sixth-grade boys, giants of the playground, wrestled each other in the corner. One girl had worked her way into the mess and was dominating the fight, to which the others responded by crying it wasn't fair because they 'couldn't hit girls'. 

"You're just too scared to," she jeered at them, tongue out. Her nose was bleeding, and Levi stared in admiration. He wanted to be like that, to be strong enough that people couldn't hit him either.

All of a sudden, a ball came out of nowhere, knocking the back of his head into the wall, and the world spun for a moment before he found himself staring upwards at the sky.

" _Sorry!_ " he heard someone shout, and when he looked up, a boy a bit older than him stood over of him, hand extended. He had bright blue eyes, bluer than anything Levi had ever seen before, and neatly combed hair even though he was sweaty. Under his arm was a partially deflated soccer ball. "Didn't mean to hit you in the face, _please_ don't be mad!"

"'m ok." he grunted, sitting upwards. He checked the back of his head with two fingers, but they came back with no blood, so he figured he was fine.

"Hey, Erwin, pass the ball you dummy!" someone shouted from behind him. The other boy turned, and when he moved Levi saw three other boys, one tall and scruffy with dirty blonde hair, one shorter with jet black and a mean expression, and the smallest with murky brown hair and a longish face, who was currently forcing a hand over the second's mouth.

"Shhh! Don't use the d-word, you'll get us in trouble!" he hissed, but the other just laughed.

"No it won’t. You worry too much. What do you think Mike?" he asked, turning to the tall one. He didn't speak any response, but nodded his head slightly.

"I'm sorry again!" the boy who'd originally hit him shouted over his shoulder. As he walked away, Levi could hear his friends talking.

"Who was that?"

"Dunno."

"He's probably new Moblit, let it go. Some stupid kindergartener, or grade one maybe."

"Stop using bad words!"

"Whatever."

°     °     °

The next day Levi sat in the same spot when it was time to go outside, but there was no sign of the boy or his friends anywhere. Just as he was about to get up and move somewhere else to try and find them, he felt someone grabbing at the back of his shirt.

“Gettoffa me,” he said, pulling his arm away. When he turned around though, he realized it was just the same boy who he’d seen a few days before in the kindergarten class. “What do you want, brat?” he asked, adding in Kenny’s favourite word. It felt nice to know that he was above this green eyed boy, that he had some kind of dominance for once.

“You look lonely,” the boy said. “What’re you doing?”

“Waiting for a friend,” he lied. “Why would you care?”

“Just ‘cause." the boy said. “I’m Eren,” he added.

Levi looked him up and down for a moment before brushing down his uniform and sitting. Eren sat next to him, but just as he did, he saw the other boy who'd hit him came trotting over. The dark haired boy from yesterday sneered over his shoulder too.

“Hallo,” he said. “D’you two wanna play ball? Moblit and Mike called in sick today, and it’s not much fun playing by ourselves.”

“Sure,” Levi said, standing up again. “‘m Levi.”

“Erwin. This is Nile,” he added, gesturing to the other boy. 

“I’m Eren,” Eren added quickly, his bright eyes still eager but a little more cautious under the harsh glare of Nile.

“I don’t like him Erwin,” Nile whined. “He's too small, and so’s this one also,” he said, gesturing to Levi. “We’ll be beat up for playing with the little kids.

“Well do you wanna play alone then?” Erwin asked, and Nile’s mouth snapped shut. “‘m sorry for yesterday, I didn’t mean to hit you in the head with a ball,” he said, turning back to Levi. “You and your friend can still come and play with us if you want though. Just ignore him.”

“Ok,” Levi said. A tiny smile pulled at the edges of his lips, and his chest felt like it was going to burst.

°     °     °

 

It was almost Christmas, and the class was making little either cardboard trees or menorahs, depending on what they wanted, and colouring them in. Mrs. Burke had insisted he make one too, despite his mild protesting that he didn’t know which he should do. He ended up making a menorah, because the design was more interesting.

Hanji sat next to him, her cardboard piece so torn and soggy with every colour of paint that he couldn’t tell which it was supposed to be. She looked like she was trying to concentrate, but honestly it was such a wreck at this point that she huffed and simply pushed it away, opting to watch Levi work instead.

“Happy for Christmas?” she asked.

“Why?” he said, looking confused.

“Y’know, gifts and stuff. And winter break and all.”

“You get gifts on Christmas?” he asked, eyes wide. He’d learned earlier that morning what day it was, the 25th of December. He’d never noticed anything particularly strange around winter; of course people put up lights and things, but he’d always thought that was just because it looked pretty with the snow.

“Yeah. You don’t? It’s like a birthday, but better!"

“Oh,” he said, feeling stupid. He didn’t know what a birthday was either really, but he didn’t want her to know that.

“So when’s your birthday?” she asked.

“December 25th,” he said, spitting out the first date he could think of as quickly as possible.

Her smile widened and she slammed her hands excitedly on the desk. “So your birthday is the same day as Christmas? _Cool!_ You get double the gifts then I bet!”

“Yup,” he nodded, not looking up at her.

“Hanji, calm down please!” Mrs. Burke scolded from her desk. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled, sitting down again. Then she leaned over and whispered to Levi, “But that’s still _really_ cool!”

°     °     °

 

Levi got home from school that day, his head aching from all the questions that had been brewing in it. Kenny was sitting at the table, mulling over something when he walked in, and instead of going upstairs immediately like he normally did, he walked into the kitchen. 

“When’s my birthday?” he asked, eyes wide.

“I forgot,” Kenny said, not even looking up from his papers. “Go upstairs, or do some fucking housework for once, useless kid. Don’t waste my time again by asking dumb questions.”

“Why do people put lights outside their houses in winter?” he prodded anyways.

“I said upstairs.  _Now,_ ” Kenny growled at him.

“Why don’t I get presents on Christmas or my birthday like the other kids do?” he asked louder.

“That’s _it_ ,” Kenny said, standing from his chair, eyes livid. He grabbed Levi by the ear and held his head up before he smacked him swiftly across the jaw, leaving a pinched red mark, then tugged him down the hallway to the staircase where he finally dropped him. “ _Up. Now_. Before I change my mind.” 

Levi’s face was screwed up at this point like he was going to cry. “I don’t wanna.”

Kenny froze for a moment, shocked, before he proceeded to grab him and forcefully pull him. It was so sudden Levi didn’t even get the chance to pick up his feet, and instead of walking next to him, his legs banged painfully on every step and his arm felt like it’d be yanked out of its socket.

“Don’t you  _dare_  tell me you don’t want to or you do want to do something. I don’t care if you want to, you  _will_.”

Levi nodded, the tears and snot running down his face from the pain. He could feel the first trickles of blood running down his shins.

°     °     °

Spring rolled around, and the cuts and bruised healed, thought new ones came to replace them soon enough. Levi walked to and from school every day, a moment of solitude in the mess that was his life. One day, he left the school as usual, but maybe a minute later he heard someone calling his name.

“Levi!” he heard again, and turned around to see Erwin, cheeks red and flushed from chasing him. Levi paused, waiting for him to catch up. Over the year, he and Erwin had played soccer in the courtyard at recess, occasionally joined by Eren or some of his other friends even though Levi was two years younger. Erwin was the sort of person with bright ideas, a student who clearly had potential in his future.

“I saw you leaving the school earlier, but I had to say bye to some other kids. I didn’t think your mom and dad would let you walk home by yourself though.” He coughed once, then straightened, his backpack lopsided.

“Don’t have a mom and dad,” he said. “I live with my uncle.”

“Oh. Is he married?” Erwin asked, and Levi almost flinched. 

“He was I guess, but I dunno what happened to her. He’s been angry for a while, since she just left all of a sudden.”

“Oh.” Erwin repeated. “I guess they got a divorce.”

“A what?”

“Like when a mom and a dad don’t love each other any more. My parents are like that too,” Erwin explained.

“I still don’t get it,” Levi said.

“Never mind,” Erwin sighed, waving it away. “It's not important. Let’s just walk.” 

“What’s grade three like anyways?” Levi asked. “I can’t wait ’til I’m big enough to be there.”

“It’s ok I guess,” Erwin said. “I mean, I like it a lot, and we’re learning a lot of hard stuff.”

“So’re we,” Levi retorted, a bit brashly.

“Yeah, but not the same stuff.”

“I guess.” Levi said. They walked in silence for a minute.

“Wanna come over?” Erwin asked suddenly, his face clearly nervous. 

“I…” _I don’t know if I’m allowed_ he almost said, but then rethought it for a second, and realized he _did_ know actually. He definitely wasn’t allowed to go. “Why do you want me over?”

“Well I just thought I could maybe show you some of what we’re learning is all,” Erwin said, flattening his hair which had blown up in the wind.

“Sure,” Levi said, not really thinking about what he’d have to pay for it at home later.

“ _Really?_ ” Erwin almost shouted, overjoyed. “Then I can tell you all about what we did today! How good are you at math? Or have you guys read about pirates and other history stuff yet?” he asked, almost babbling. “If you haven’t, my dad can tell you all about that, he’s _really_ smart.”

“Alright,” Levi said, smiling again. 

 

°     °     °

 

A couple of weeks went by where he and Erwin walked home regularly. A couple of weeks after that, Eren began to try and join them, though his parents had insisted he was still too young. _Next year_ , they said, _next year or the year after._

As it turned out, Kenny didn’t really care whether he got home on time or not, as long as he was home in time to wash the supper dishes. By time the summer came around again, it felt like an eternity after he’d first heard he’d be going to school, even though it was barely a year. He saw Erwin occasionally, walking over to his house on the particularly boring days, but most of the time he found something entertaining enough to do by himself.

Kenny had actually eased off over the summer, and by time Levi was starting grade two, he became a ghost. He was still angry at the world, he still left angry points and scratches and scars all over Levi’s skin, especially after he lost his job, but his strictness eventually faded almost entirely. Thin and mean, he found less and less time to care about Levi at all.

Midway through the winter, they moved into a much smaller apartment closer to downtown. Behind it ran a grimy back alley, and there was a ladder to the roof from the balcony. By the end of grade three, Levi began spending his spare time on the roof, watching the city pass below. Sometimes when he knew Kenny wouldn’t be home, Erwin and Eren came over, and the three of them would sit together there, chewing on the stale fifty-cent candy Eren sometimes brought. Sometimes Hanji or Mike came too, but more often than not they didn’t.

Years drifted by slowly, and before he could have blinked, Eren was in grade three and Erwin in grade six. Erwin spent less and less time with them, though they still spoke occasionally. He began to befriend some of the computer kids, the ones who sat at the back of the classrooms and who could code HTML. He stopped walking home, opting instead to join robotics after school.

Levi never said anything, that was just how things happened when you got older, he supposed.

 

°     °     °

 

One day in the beginning of October, they were doing homework at Erwin’s house, Eren working with Erwin’s help on his math while Levi worked silently. He noticed Erwin kept staring at his arm between problems, and then realized that there was another bruise there, this one in the shape of a hand that had been gripping his shoulder. They met eyes for a moment before Levi pulled his sleeve as far down as he could and buried his head into his papers again.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Levi sat alone, distanced from Hanji and Eren and the others. He didn't want to talk to anyone. 

And yet, even then, Erwin didn’t even try to conceal why he was cornering him at lunch. Nile and some of the other grade six students had laughed when he’d sat with a grade four student as opposed to the other grade sixes, but Erwin didn’t seem to care.

“What caused those bruises on you?” he asked, voice unsteady. 

“I fall a lot," Levi stammered quickly. Too quickly. "It’s.. gotten worse over the years I guess.” The truth was that Kenny took every opportunity he could at home to beat up on him. Levi just didn’t give him as many anymore.

“What can I do to help?”

Levi sat silently, shocked at the simplicity and the depth of the question he'd just been asked. He felt something deep in his chest causing his eyes to well up from the pressure of not being able to talk. Like someone had reached down his throat and tied his tongue into knots.

Erwin read what was happening faster than Levi realized what he was doing, and moved to sit next to him, a soft hand petting down his hair and leaving featherlight traces across his skin. Inside Levi's mind, the contact was blooming pinks and orange and blues instead of the violent reds and blacks he was used to. He wasn’t sure how it had happened, but his head was on Erwin’s shoulder as he tried not to sob loudly.

“Just falls,” he sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

Erwin was quiet for a moment, staring at the opposite wall in silence. Then he sighed heavily and said, “It's.. not the best time, but.. I’m transferring next year for high school.”

“What?” Levi said, sitting bolt upright. “But the program here, I mean there’s a high school and-“

“Yeah, I know.” Erwin sighed. “My dad wants me to go to Sina.”

Levi wrinkled his nose. Sina High was where the posh, rich, and athletic kids went. “But you’d need a scholarship to be able to go, right?”

“I got one, for sports. They saw my soccer record and decided they wanted me. Dad got an email last week and it would cover half the price, and, with a little extra work and some late nights, he thinks we can afford to send me there.” A pause, then Erwin looked him in the eye. “He said I’d never get anywhere if I stayed at Shiganshina. I’m sorry.”

Levi looked away, miffed. “Well that answers your question from before I guess.”

“What question?” Erwin looked confused.

“If you could help me or not. But you’re leaving, so I guess you can’t then.”

“Oh,” he said. He looked apologetic, but Levi didn’t care.

“I’ll find you later,” he huffed, standing up and walking out of the door before Erwin could have stopped him or said anything.

 

°     °     °

 

An anonymous tip lead to a minor inquiry at home. The case was closed as just a moderate-risk situation.

Despite it being dropped, Levi found himself popping his shirt collar for the next week after to make sure no one could see the blackened spots near the top of his back. He found the style stuck to him, to the dismay of many of his teachers.

 

°     °     °

 

Just like he’d said, at the end of the first day of grade five, Levi waited outside as usual for Eren, and once he appeared, the two of them waited a while for Erwin to come out. But when the high school doors opened and the bigger kids burst through, there was no sign of him. Levi had been hoping he was lying, but why would he have lied?

“Maybe he’s talking to a teacher,” Eren said, his expression concerned. Erwin hadn’t told Eren he was leaving. “Robotics doesn’t start on the first day, does it?”

“I don’t know,” Levi lied. 

Finally, they found Nile, Moblit, and Mike leaning against the side of the school, Nile chewing loudly on some gum. Over the summer, the two of them must have grown at least six inches each, and Mike had grown at least a foot taller since Levi had seen him, as well as a moustache that was pretty impressive for a grade seven student.

“Didn’t you know?” Nile asked, eyes wide when he'd questioned it. He also had what looked like it was trying to be a scraggly beard on his chin, which he was clearly very proud of as he kept twisting it around his finger. It looked as though he had glued on five or six individual hairs. “He transferred to Sina this year. I’d’ve thought he’d tell you, considering he was so insistent on hanging around you brats.”

Levi felt the hair on the back of his neck begin to raise at the word ‘brat’, but just as he was about to spit some insult at him, he felt a small hand in his. 

“Don’t. It’s not worth getting in trouble over,” Eren said. He turned to Nile and stuck his tongue out, to which Nile sneered right back.

“What’re you gonna do, kiddo?” Nile laughed. His face seemed four times as big now, looming above them ominously. “Wait until you’re tall enough to reach the cookie jar before you start picking fights with kids twice your size.”

“Nile,” Mike warned, and just like that, Nile's jaw snapped closed.

Levi glared silently, solemnly refusing to thank Mike, yet a small, tugging feeling of debt still settled into the depths of his stomach. 

“Come on Eren,” he said eventually, eyes never leaving Nile, and tugged at his hand, still clenched tightly in his own.

 

°     °     °

 

The next year was quieter without Erwin around. Levi sat alone at lunch about half the year, until finally around February he caved and let Hanji and Eren sit with him. Sometimes Eren’s friends came too, and in one very rare instance, his sister had shown her face, or at least what you could see of it from under her hair and the scarf she insisted on wearing everywhere.

“If you two miss him that much, just send him an email,” Hanji suggested one day, her mouth half full of sandwich. “I mean he’s not going to know you miss him ’til you tell him, right?” she added, spraying bits of food as she spoke.

“It’s not that,” Levi said, wrinkling his nose as he brushed the crumbs off of him. “I want some kind of apology at least, and if he bothered to contact me first, that might be enough. But I don’t want him to think I need him; I don’t,” he insisted bitterly.

“You can’t blame the guy for taking an opportunity he was presented with you know,” Hanji pointed out.

“Well I’m going to.”

“Suit yourself,” she shrugged. “But you asked for my advice and I think you’re being stupidly stubborn.”

“Look, I don’t need him though. I still have Eren and you, right?” Levi said.

“Yeah,” she agreed slowly. She paused for a minute to chew, then out of nowhere said, “Eren’s cute.”

“... _What?_ ” he gaped, dropping his food midway to his mouth.

“I mean it’s cute the way he always wants to be around you, don’t you think?” she said. “Since kindergarten you and Erwin’ve been his idols, he wants to be just like you.”

“No he doesn’t,” Levi said, but he still glanced at where he was sitting. There was something about him, that much was for sure, but..

“Speaking of cute,” Hanji whispered, leaning forwards and grinning like an idiot, “what d’you think of that girl who came in this year?”

“Who, Petra? She’s alright I guess,” he said, then raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Ooh, you have got to teach me how you do that,” Hanji said, giggling again. “Well, _I_ heard she had a huge crush on you, but I could be wrong.”

“ _Hanji!_ ” he hissed, mortified. “Anyone in here could hear you!” He could feel the heat rising to his ears.

“We-ell?” she said, still grinning. “What do you think of her now then?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. He shrugged. “I’ve never really had a crush before so I don’t see the big deal. It’s not like it’s important or anything, right?”

“Hey, that’s up to you. I was only asking because she seems pretty cute to me is all.”

“What, do you like _girls_ or something?” he joked, but Hanji only sat there and smiled at him.

“Maybe,” she said. Her expression revealed nothing.

“What?” he asked, slightly surprised.

Now it was Hanji’s turn to shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe everyone secretly has a list of people they’ve met over their lives that they like no matter who they are. Who cares?”

“I guess,” he said, going back to his sandwich. “You’re really weird sometimes, you know that?” he asked. Hanji only cackled and continued eating in response.

 

°     °     °

 

As it turned out, Hanji had heard correctly about Petra. On Valentine’s Day, Levi found a card someone had snuck into his backpack, and inside someone had scrawled a tiny heart and the words 'I really like you’. Levi had looked at it for a moment, before he sucked in his breath and shoved it to the bottom of his bag, trying to forget about it.

The next week he found another note stuck on his locker, in bold red too. The same handwriting was scratched across it, but this time it said, ‘Do you like me too?’. There were three options, a ‘yes’, a ‘no’, and a ‘maybe’. Levi read the note four times, trying to find some hidden joke or riddle. Finally he assumed it just was what it was, and he circled ‘no’ without thinking twice about it, then slipped it into Petra’s locker.

He didn’t get any more notes.

 

°     °     °

 

By time Levi went into grade six, Kenny wasn’t home most of the time at all. When he was home he was either passed out or busy working while he drank. When he wasn’t doing one of those things, he was either sulking, or finding something new to beat him up over.

“What’s this?” he asked one evening, gesturing to a coffee stain on the counter.

“You spilled your coffee this morning,” Levi shrugged.

“And why didn’t you clean it up?” he asked, his voice unnervingly even. 

Levi snorted. “Clean up your own mess, pig.”

Kenny grabbed him by the shoulder. “What did you just say?” he asked.

Levi opened his mouth to snap back at him, but just then the phone rang, distracting them both. Kenny grunted, then looked down at him and decided the phone was more important, leaving Levi to rub his arm where it had been gripped.

“Hello?” he said. He paused for a moment, then said, “Levi? Yes, he’s right here.” Levi stared at Kenny as though he held his lifeline in his hands, before Kenny grinned at him. Another pause then, “He says he doesn’t want to talk to you,” and he hung up the phone.

“What was _that_ for?” Levi demanded, furious. His whole body seemed to quiver with rage, adrenaline building for a fight.

“For you back-talking me. Now fix it, I don’t care if you have to bleach it till your hands burn,” Kenny said, grabbing his face. When he finally pulled his hand back, there were crescent-shaped marks left from his nails on Levi's cheeks. “I have to go back to work.”

Levi stood there holding his face for a moment after he left, but as soon as he heard the door close, he ran over to the phone and checked what number had called.

It was Eren’s.

 

°     °     °

 

The next day at school, he looked everywhere for Eren, but he couldn’t find him. At lunch his friends said he’d already eaten and left, with no sign of him anywhere. Finally, after an hour of searching, he found him locked in the fourth stall of the science corridor bathrooms.

“Eren?” he said, his voice resonating back to him.

“Go away,” a voice said back. “I don’t wanna talk to you either.”

“Eren please, that wasn’t me who said that. It was my uncle.”

“I know it wasn’t you, idiot. But why would your uncle lie to me?” he asked. His voice was clearly very hurt.

Levi sighed. “Come out here, please. I’ll show you.”

Very slowly, the door opened. Inside he could see one green eye peering out at him. Then the rest of Eren’s face became visible, and he said, “Show.”

Levi pulled down the neck of his shirt enough to reveal several long scratches near his armpit, from when Kenny had grabbed him by the collar a few days before. When he’d done it, he actually dug in hard enough to draw blood, and now they’d scabbed over in an ugly mess. 

“He’s not who you think he is. Who anyone thinks he is. He’s angry. I promise I wouldn’t say that to you or about you,” Levi reassured him, pulling his shirt back up again.

Slowly, Eren stared at him, then sighed. “I guess you’re telling the truth then,” he said. “I still don’t understand why though.”

“He’s just an asshole,” Levi said. Eren looked troubled at his swearing, but didn’t say anything. “Do you forgive me?” he asked.

Eren paused, and sighed again. “I guess. I’m sorry,” he said, and hugged him unexpectedly. Levi patted his head without really thinking about it, and inhaled deeply. Eren smelled like grass and honey.

 

°     °     °

 

It was in late March of grade seven, when they were walking home that he’d brought it up.

“Levi, I have something to tell you, about high school, for next year,” Eren said suddenly as they walked. 

Levi felt his heart drop at the words, because he’d heard them before. Oh no, was all he could think, no he’s going to transfer to Sina too, isn’t he? he thought. It felt as though the breath had been crushed out of him, but he should have known better than to expect differently, Eren was an athletic masterpiece after all, just like Erwin had been.

“I got an email from Sina, for sports,” he began, “and my parents really want me to go,"

Levi breathed in, waiting for the punch to the stomach. The bit where Eren told him he was leaving too, that he was leaving Levi alone.

"But,” Eren said, and paused.

Levi froze, his insides jiggling nervously back and forth. “But what?” he asked, prodding slightly.

“I’m not going.” Eren said simply. “Mom and Dad can’t really afford it, and it wouldn’t be fair to Mikasa to leave her here. And,” he said, “I don’t want to leave you here either.”

“So you’re staying at Shiganshina then?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Eren said, and suddenly the air became breathable again. "I'm staying at Shiganshina."

“Good,” Levi said. “Because I don’t want you to leave.”

 

°     °     °

 

There was a change between them after Eren graduated. Slowly, Levi found himself spending his spare time with Eren around recesses, and looking forward to their walk home more and more every day. By grade ten, Levi felt a shift in their relationship, that this closeness they had developed went  further than he would have expected.

It was last period, and they were supposed to be working on a paper, but all he could do was stare at the clock until finally, finally the bell rung, and he jumped up to hand it in. 

“Wait up,” Hanji said as he passed her desk. She was hastily scribbling in the last few lines of her text.

“You know we have another period to work on this, right?” he asked.

“Yep,” she said. “But _now_ I can fool around during that class instead!” she added, dotting the last period with a flourish and standing. “What’s the big rush for anyways, hm?”

“I don’t wanna keep Eren waiting is all,” he said, “And he has football tryouts next week, so I won’t get to see him.”

Hanji sighed, then waited until they were out of the class before speaking. “You should just ask him out then.”

“What?” he spat. The thought sounded foul in his head, he _wasn’t_ gay. “Why would you even say something like that?”

“Because you’re supposed to be a big kid now, so act it,” she said. “And who said it even had to be romantic? If it doesn’t work, you can just go back to the way things were before, can’t you?”

“No, you can’t,” he grumbled.

“Aren’t you mature enough?” she asked.

“Do you honestly think Eren is though?” he shot back.”No way Hanji. Take your fucked-up pairings and shove it your ass, four-eyes.”

Hanji laughed. “You don’t have to be self conscious about it you know. He’s had a crush on you since grade five Levi.”

“That’s impossible,” he spat. Though, now it was out in the open like that, Levi had noticed some things. The hand holding, the hugs, soft, lingering, longing stares that sometimes left him feeling like he'd been shocked through with purple electricity, green sparks tingling along his fingertips. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. 

“..He hasn’t actually, has he?”

Hanji shrugged. “Maybe.”

“Oh fuck you,” Levi glared, and she laughed again. “But that doesn’t change anything if he does, I mean I still don’t.”

“You go on and keep telling yourself that,” she said, then turned off to go in the direction of her locker. Levi scowled at her back, then turned to go his own way

 

°     °     °

 

He didn't need to do much before he left, just drop off some stuff at his locker. But as soon as he closed it and looked up, he saw Eren standing right behind it, a smile stretched across his face. Since grade school, Eren had shot up to 5'10, looming dangerously tall now. Worse still, despite the monstrosity that he was, he _still_ hadn't stopped growing, to Levi's complete dismay. 

“Hey there dopey,” he said, poking Levi’s cheek. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah, sure,” Levi smiled back, his face red. All the thoughts Hanji had pushed into his mind spiralled in circles again. _He can’t actually like me like that, can he?_

“Then let’s go,” Eren bounced, grabbing his hand and pulling him along happily. Levi tried to hold back, but he caught himself forgetting again how big Eren had gotten in comparison to him, and instead found himself being tugged almost easily behind him. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Eren asked, turning around at the hesitation, and suddenly, Levi saw, _very_ clearly, in his mind’s eye what Eren was about to do

“Nothing,” Levi insisted, snatching his hand back. 

So when Eren turned around, stopped trying to pull him along, grabbed both Levi's hands, and asked him on a date, blushing and awkward and just, heart-sinkingly _adorable_ , Levi had to stand there for a moment and wait for his head to clear. He stared blankly back, waiting for the static to fade out and real life to come back into focus.

But he took too long. Eren seemed to think that Levi just hadn’t understood him, which was understandable.

“Um, what I meant by that was, um, do you, uh,” Eren said, and swallowed, his voice shaking considerably more than before. Sweat tracked down his forehead.

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” Eren finally managed to repeat.

“Oh,” Levi blinked. He didn’t want to just say no immediately. He was wondering what he could possibly pin it on before they were interrupted.

They turned around to see two grade twelves. One was taller, thin, and dark haired, while the other was built like a wall, his long silver hair pulled into a bun.

“Check it out,” the first one said. He looked familiar, but Levi couldn’t tell from where. “The two cute kid fags are trying to get together in the locker room, huh.”

“C’mon Nile, they’re not _that_ cute,” the other one said, and suddenly it clicked. This was the same Nile that had been friends with Moblit and Mike, though neither of them were anywhere to be seen. The same, smug expression, the same confident sneer, and the same foul, greasy complexion.

Levi's reaction to the situation was immediate and completely predictable. 

“Watch your _fucking_ tongue,” he snarled defensively, stepping in front of Eren. It didn't matter how he felt, he wouldn't let his friend get humiliated for who he was.

Nile ignore the threat, his smile widening at the intensity of Levi's rebuttal. “It’s been a few years, Ackerman,” he said, leaning over so his face loomed above them. “And yet you don’t seem to have grown much, have you?”

“No,” Levi spat, “and your wannabe beard is still almost as disappointing as the rest of you,” he snapped back. 

Nile flinched, his confidence faltering at the sore spot, then leered at them again. “I wouldn’t be so confident with my big talk if I were you. Zackly over here’s the head of the football team, and he could crush you both with his hands tied.”

“I’m trying out next week,” Eren voiced from behind him weakly, and Levi wanted to smack him for it.

“You?” Nile asked, then laughed. “You might be tall kiddo, but you’re a giraffe, and they’re a bunch of hungry lions. You’ll be eaten alive in the varsity league.”

“Don’t underestimate me,” Eren assured them, his voice suddenly low and dangerous. He looked like he was ready to try and jump them, and Levi was too, when all of a sudden, both of the older boys leaned backwards with pained expressions.

Nile reared up as if he was readying for a fight, but he was blocked by Zackly's arm.

"Don't bother getting in shit over this," he said. His tone was also low, and it was clear this wasn't an act of benevolence. "We'll see how tough he is next week, once he makes it to tryouts." He lowered himself slightly so he was standing at Eren's level before he spat "It's not illegal to break bones on the field, after all."

The two of them turned and strode down the hall, leaving the two others left standing shaken in the almost empty hall now.

"Are you okay?" Levi asked gently. He took Eren's hand almost naturally and started walking with him to calm him down.

“Yeah, sure,” Eren said, dazed. He still looked confused from the whole ordeal. "I'd like to play on the team, but I also don’t want to die.”

Levi rarely laughed, but the line was able to make him grin a little, and he found himself thinking about what Hanji had said again. Maybe there was something to what she had suggested after all. He stared at the sidewalk, fighting to find the right words or even just to decide if he should let go of him or not.

“You’ll be fine,” Levi settled for, squeezing his hand. 


End file.
